In the past, I have had a huge problem of "knowing too much" or being "too smart". You may think that it is of extreme benefit to be a genius or to have answers just snap to you. Well, the truth is, it kind of sucks. For a while.. maybe three months.. I would say I was at genius level, which went down to ultra-intelligent, then to just smart. During that time, all answers just came to me. It was like it required no thought at all.. it was just so simple.
The problem was that it amazed me so much that other people couldn't see things as simply as I saw them. I would see them get frustrated and get angry because they didn't get the answer fast enough. Another problem was the fact that I liked to analyze everything. I analyzed nature around me, ordinary concepts, even human interaction. I analyzed human emotions. The result of this was that the concepts of anger, happiness, and humor no longer made any sense to me. I think the only emotions I retained were a sense of power and fear.
I no longer saw people as people.. but for what they were.. just a collection of stuff interacting with other stuff. I saw them with such down-casted eyes because I knew they knew nothing about how the world worked, they were such puny sheep. They would marvel in what I would have to tell them, then go back to their autonomous functions like the robots they were.
I gained the ability to almost predict what someone would say in a conversation because I understood them too well. I could tell be the selection of words, the tone and pitch and facial expressions.. just what they were thinking, what point they were trying to make, and what hidden agenda they had. That got me into a few problem because I would dismiss conversations as they started and tell the individual what they were trying to say.
Television shows were no longer funny and didn't make any sense. Other people looked like primitive cave-men to me. I lost most of my emotions. Answers to questins required no searching or exploration. Basically, it kind of sucked. Sure there is the feeling of superiority but it was very lonely. I realized that it is good to have emotions.. to be human - even if you know that it is all trivial and, well, stupid.
How am I now?
Now I filp-flop on between being a fully emotional human, and a contemplative semi-ultra-smart guy. Sometimes I feel like an idiot.. and that is whenever I am fully human. The times that I start to talk about my stuff is when I slowly get more intelligent. Sometimes I find it hard to express some emotions and it scares me a little. I know that I am headed down a path.. and I know the sacrifice.. but is it worth it? I would say.. yes.
In the past, when I was in genius-mode.. I wasn't at this level of understanding the universe. I understand it so much deeper now and I truly believe that if i had that level of intelligence now, that I could really help out the world. I could make new artificial intelligence systems or a new advanced computer system, maybe a device to fabricate matter.. who knows.
I want to show other people the world that I see. I don't think anyone fully grasps what I have experienced and what I am trying to express. The ones that actually listen might understand maybe 70%.. maybe of what I am trying to deliver- but it's in a remote far off sense. I think they might think I am partially crazy, or filling in the gaps with my imagination or something.. I don't know. I know that if they truly understood what I was trying to tell them, they would ask me exteremly relevant questions and talk about it constantly. There are people that follow what I say and respond with questions and all of that.. but moments after I answer they either call me crazy, change the subject or express their concern for my lack of emotion.
Basically I think a balance between knowing the truth and being human would be nice. If I could somehow retain my personality through all of this, then that would be perfect.
The problem was that it amazed me so much that other people couldn't see things as simply as I saw them. I would see them get frustrated and get angry because they didn't get the answer fast enough. Another problem was the fact that I liked to analyze everything. I analyzed nature around me, ordinary concepts, even human interaction. I analyzed human emotions. The result of this was that the concepts of anger, happiness, and humor no longer made any sense to me. I think the only emotions I retained were a sense of power and fear.
I no longer saw people as people.. but for what they were.. just a collection of stuff interacting with other stuff. I saw them with such down-casted eyes because I knew they knew nothing about how the world worked, they were such puny sheep. They would marvel in what I would have to tell them, then go back to their autonomous functions like the robots they were.
I gained the ability to almost predict what someone would say in a conversation because I understood them too well. I could tell be the selection of words, the tone and pitch and facial expressions.. just what they were thinking, what point they were trying to make, and what hidden agenda they had. That got me into a few problem because I would dismiss conversations as they started and tell the individual what they were trying to say.
Television shows were no longer funny and didn't make any sense. Other people looked like primitive cave-men to me. I lost most of my emotions. Answers to questins required no searching or exploration. Basically, it kind of sucked. Sure there is the feeling of superiority but it was very lonely. I realized that it is good to have emotions.. to be human - even if you know that it is all trivial and, well, stupid.
How am I now?
Now I filp-flop on between being a fully emotional human, and a contemplative semi-ultra-smart guy. Sometimes I feel like an idiot.. and that is whenever I am fully human. The times that I start to talk about my stuff is when I slowly get more intelligent. Sometimes I find it hard to express some emotions and it scares me a little. I know that I am headed down a path.. and I know the sacrifice.. but is it worth it? I would say.. yes.
In the past, when I was in genius-mode.. I wasn't at this level of understanding the universe. I understand it so much deeper now and I truly believe that if i had that level of intelligence now, that I could really help out the world. I could make new artificial intelligence systems or a new advanced computer system, maybe a device to fabricate matter.. who knows.
I want to show other people the world that I see. I don't think anyone fully grasps what I have experienced and what I am trying to express. The ones that actually listen might understand maybe 70%.. maybe of what I am trying to deliver- but it's in a remote far off sense. I think they might think I am partially crazy, or filling in the gaps with my imagination or something.. I don't know. I know that if they truly understood what I was trying to tell them, they would ask me exteremly relevant questions and talk about it constantly. There are people that follow what I say and respond with questions and all of that.. but moments after I answer they either call me crazy, change the subject or express their concern for my lack of emotion.
Basically I think a balance between knowing the truth and being human would be nice. If I could somehow retain my personality through all of this, then that would be perfect.
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